RookieMoms Blog

I did it.

I survived a weekend away from my family. Yeehaw!

This is the fourth time that I’ve been away from Holden overnight — the first two being my grandpa’s funeral and Milo’s birth and the other a bridal shower in which I toted Milo along — but only the first time away from Milo.

I was nervous. But, encouraged by my friend Molly’s sage advice, I made the most of it!

When I emailed her asking for good humor and courage, she assured me that I already had both in abundance (you gotta love a friend like Molly). She wrote that what I needed to remember most is that my “boys will THRIVE if I THRIVE.”

And I knew with total certainty that if I was going to get on that plane to Miami and then mope and sulk, I was not doing anyone any good… not my friends who wanted to celebrate, not my husband who agreed to hold down the fort, and not my cutie pie sons.

So I had fun.

Well, I laughed, i cried, I drank wine, i tried to smoke a cigar, I sat under an umbrella on the beach, I stayed out late, I slept 8 hours in a row, I showered uninterrupted, I ate a ton, I read a book, I flipped through trashy magazines, I had adult conversations, and I THRIVED!

Names and pictures of my friends are not provided because what happens in Miami stays in Miami other than all those bits I just told you.

We hosted a little playdate at our house for the under-two set to celebrate Milo’s birthday for the camera. A very little playdate. In fact, I accidentally invited more people than I meant to because I copied the evite guest list from Holden’s big O-1 and then had to uninvite a bunch of people… oops! Maybe if it weren’t such a darn rainy time of year, we could have gotten wild in the backyard, but it is what it is.

We put the kid in a party hat and let him mangle some wonderful cake. Done and done.

With the obligatory photos out of the way, I focused on “Celebrating My Way“: glamming it up at an Oscar Party and remembering how just last year with seven “go into labor” cookies in my belly, I went into labor after Whitney’s Oscar Party… ahhh memories.

I wore the bridesmaid dress from Whitney’s wedding in 2001 and forced Alec into his best suit (the one we got married in, if you’re wondering) and we sat in the front row cheering and booing with the rest of the silly people. Good times.

This past Thursday, when Alec had his Dad’s Night Out, I decided to really roll the dice and take both boys out to a restaurant by myself. It was pretty fun.

I tried to call it our Big Adventure, but Holden said we shouldn’t call it a ‘venture. So I asked, “what should we call it then, mom and boys dinner date?” and he said, “we should call it a family”. Cute, but that wasn’t really what I was going for.

Didn’t Holden understand what a big freaking deal it was for me to bring both of them out in public to a restaurant to eat an actual meal with no adult back up? What if there was a poo’splosion (like last time), or a cup being thrown (like last time), or if I just needed to cry? I guess when you’re three, your job is not to worry about that stuff, so he didn’t.

We arrived at Picante (super duper child friendly, for those of you not in Berkeley) with perfect rock star parking — right in front of the door on the correct side of the street! I let Holden out first and asked him to please wait on the sidewalk and be my big helper; he agreed. I loaded Milo into the Hip Hammock, handed Holden the diaper bag, and grabbed my purse and extra baby food right as it started pouring. Buckets! We ran inside. Holden thought that was really fun.

Because we arrived around 5:30, it wasn’t too crowded. Holden darted around the line area, not exactly standing where I asked… and I tried to play it cool. We ordered well and got a table. Holden waited near our table while I struggled to set up two high chairs while still wearing my curious one-year-old. I probably could have asked for some help at that point. Next time.

Fast forward, everyone ate pretty well, Milo tried to teach himself to use a spoon, and they probably hosed down the area after we left… but that’s standard procedure for Picante. I think we’ll be back. Yay me!

Holden, at 33 months, is really getting the why why why thing down pat. I try to be patient and answer the questions he’s asking, but he (invariably) reaches a point where I don’t know the answer.

Questions from this week:

• Why is the moon red? (asked because his preschool teacher had mentioned the lunar eclipse) Ummm, I don’t know, maybe something’s in front of it like the earth or a star. (Alec said it was the earth’s shadow, oops!)
• Is this your underwear? (while holding up a sports bra) It’s a sports bra, like an undershirt, kind of. (Alec said I didn’t answer the question; he’s just looking for a yes or no)
• Is that an iPod, and a phone, and a computer? (to my iPhone) No, it’s a camera, and an iPod, and a phone. (Alec says that because we check email on it, he thinks it’s a computer too. Fair enough)
• Why don’t you have a penis? ummmmm (Alec, where are you when I’m getting these questions?!)

Despite my fumbling and occasional loss for words, we want to encourage his natural curiosity and tried on two different occasions this week to get extra science-y and go for the real hands-on experience rather than just talking.

The adventure of the lunar eclipse
So Wednesday night, we made a big deal out of putting Baby Milo to bed, brushing teeth, getting into jammies, and bundling up in a blanket to go out in front of the house and look for the lunar eclipse. I guess the next one isn’t going to happen for another almost three years. Only Big Boys can go out like this in the cold with Mommy and Daddy and look for the red moon. We saw it peeking out of the clouds, sort of pinkish, and then went to bed?

Too young for a science museum?
My husband, Alec, and I were both engineers in college. We’re both fairly geeky compared to most parents and hope to raise kids with a healthy love of math and science. In my opinion, “healthy” means that Holden is too young for video games and chemistry sets, but he’s a great age to work the cd player and help in the kitchen.

On Monday, we joined the nearby Lawrence Hall of Science because we think we’ll get a ton of learning disguised as fun over the next twelve months. And just because my first visit with two boys ended with a major pee-through within twenty minutes of arrival, I don’t think every visit will end that way. And if it does, a membership really softens the blow of a visit-cut-short with the knowledge that you can come again soon.

More info and links:
Nasa Lunar Eclipse Page
Cool Photos of eclipse from Wired
What other Parent Bloggers think of Science and Kids
Zula Intergalactic Inquirer PBS science show for kids

As eager as I was to have another child after Julian, my uterus felt otherwise, and we ended up with two kids under three years old, rather than two years old, and are really happy with the spacing. Heather was equally eager and hit the jackpot with the famous “two kids under two” status. (She has already lost her chance to have three under three, BTW).

It turns out no matter how close or far apart they are, if they are both under-age for independent street crossing, there are a lot of logistical questions to be worked out. I am undergoing the true test right now with my temporary living situation that lacks a parking space. Sometimes I have to park on the next block and then walk, in a sidewalk-free neighborhood, with two kids and all the stuff that goes with them. Sometimes, it just cannot be done.

Just today I had to stop the car in front of my house, leave the groceries there, then go find a parking space, and then make the walk. If I had kept the groceries in the car, they may have had to stay there until my husband got home.

If you’re pregnant with your second child, this is going to be you soon. Don’t miss Amy’s helpful post about “How to do two”.

> Pretty Babies: How to do Two

And if you’re onto number three, you’ll love Jennifer’s series of essays on the topic.

> Having Three Kids

First and foremost, I wish I wasn’t familiar with what the lighting in my house looks like at this time of night. Sadly, having been in this house only 6 nights, I already know too well how to navigate the route from my futon, past the couch, turning a corner, past two doors into the children’s room.

So I wish I had nothing to say at 4.42 AM. I had already been awoken at 11.30 by Scarlett and then again at 3 am by Scarlett who, after an uneventful nursing session, went easily back to sleep.

But then at 4.40, I heard a small voice in the night call out, “I have a poopy diaper.” I went to change MR. ICANTHOLDMYPOOPUNTIL7AM and it was a false alarm. I was pissed. I put him back in bed and returned to my room. I heard him open his CD player, pop in The Beatles and turn it on.

I quote myself, “If he f***ing wakes her up I am going to kick him in the head.”

For those of you who know me well, this may not be news. But I have only *not* been pregnant or nursing for a mere six weeks of my marriage.

I got pregnant 4 weeks into our marriage / round-the-world-honeymoon and then again 2 weeks after weaning Holden.

It’s the kind of stat that makes me feel special. “Special” in that hormonally anxious mama bear way that we get when our mother-in-law wakes up the baby to get an extra cuddle when we know it is naptime. But also “special” in the way that makes me wonder if I’ll be special anymore after six or so more weeks pass and Milo is done with nursing.

• Will my husband still like me? We’re counting on YES.
• Will I be super fun and have a flat stomach like I used to? Ummm, maybe and probably not.

I know from last go that weaning was roughly on my timetable (just over one year) but not at all like I imagined (I planned a one week phasing out involving distractions, sippy cups, and cow’s milk but instead Holden bit me, saw a bottle on a shelf, and never looked back).

Will it be like that again? Will Milo forget about it/me in an instant? Or will we still be going strong in another four months because we both want to hold onto breastfeeding beyond my set timetable? Sometimes life events get in the way and sort of force the issue. My upcoming weekend to Miami might be one of those events.

I’m just hoping that the hormones are on my side making me cool and fun for the weekend and not weepy and enraged (not to mention leaky and engorged!).

Here’s hoping.

My old former roommate Marla has two daughters, age 3 and 4 and a new baby expected within the next couple weeks. Her sisters-in-law (one with three kids and the other with twin one-year-olds) knew exactly what she needed in lieu of a baby shower: food for the freezer!

Jen and Julie combined a few of my favorite ideas into one and I attended the “Let’s make dinner for Marla (and ourselves)” not a shower party last night! I’m only sorry I didn’t think of it first.

Between having fun chatting it up with Marla’s friends and leaving with three dinners and side dishes, it was absolutely brilliant. Am I gushing? Sorry, but come on…

[dinner prep place] + [food for new mom] x [fun evening out] = genius

Related activities:
#54 Cook and Play
#378 Stock your freezer

I just saw that mod*mom and our friends at Babyccino have been blogging about the Phil & Ted stroller, the slickest buggy around for a two-kid family.

Both Heather and I debated whether this was a (major) purchase we needed as we had our second babies. We both decided to skip it, although it sure does look nice. Instead, we typically wore the small baby in a Bjorn and pushed the toddler in a stroller.

Pic by wayne

As the small baby got too big for the Bjorn, s/he got promoted to the stroller and the little dudes had to walk.

Then one day Julian decided he would get in the undercarriage of my cheap-o universal stroller, and we both loved it! It is so much faster to get two kids from a city parking space to a destination two blocks away (in San Francisco, two blocks distance is considered a pretty good parking space) when I am not relying on the little man walking on his own two feet. Julian says that it’s his clubhouse.

Who needs Phil & Ted?

My second son, Milo, is a very active 11 months now. He likes to climb, pull up, scoot all the time.

But that sort of gets in the way of my plans for him.

Our normal getting out of the car routine includes me bringing him inside the house, plopping him into the exersaucer or jumperoo (depending on what room of the house I want him to be in), and going back outside to fetch Holden from the car so we can wrestle with shoes, jackets, and stuff. I like Milo to be safely contained (and possibly entertained) while this is going on. But am I relying on these crutches too much?

Do I need switch things around and let the two-year old come in the house first? Should we all enter together and forget about the stuff? How old is too old for the exersaucer? Can I wait until he can climb out of it or tell me in words that he’s sick of it?