RookieMoms Blog

Julie, of A Little Pregnant, had her first son when I had mine, about 3.5 years ago after much hot action on the infertility front. She had multiple miscarriages and other challenges which she shared with humor and honesty in her blog. Her son came prematurely and breastfeeding did not go as she hoped, and again, she shared everything with the Internets.

I thank her for doing this because it was her blog that let me know that I was not alone in my struggles to conceive. It was her blog that answered the question for me of “who wants to read someone else’s journal?” Every step of the way in motherhood, this has become more obvious to me as we can all accompany each other and share in the (not as natural as you thought it would be) transition to motherhood. Yay for mom bloggers. You keep me sane.

And now, Julie is expecting her second boy. She’s fully aware that you can plan plan plan, but in parenting, you cannot control control control. Read her “birth plan” to get a taste of her brand of wit.

Here’s a little taste of her detailed fantasy labor description to get you started:

Oh, sure, some women might think it hurts to have your entire body seize up in the grip of a spasmodic contraction. But I experience it more as, oh, kind of like a sneeze. That’s it, a delicate kitten’s sneeze. The pre-pregnancy kind, with no appalling stress incontinence to speak of.

Flying with a baby, by myself and with my husband, I can do. We took our three-week old baby across country so I wouldn’t miss one of my best friends get married.

We flew with Holden at 5 months, 6 months, and 7 months… and then I declared, “I’m never flying with that squirmy baby again unless he has his own seat.” So, though the domestic airlines would let us fly with him seat-free for another 17 months, I had reached my own limit.

Firstborn Holden always gets a seat on the plane and, so far, second son Milo does not. I flew with him at 3 months, 5 months, and 9 months but still no seat. His next flight promises to be at a very squirmy and unpleasant 17 months… so, I ask you internets:

So, what are some good safety tips when you fly without a seat for your toddler?

Has anyone successfully (or unsuccessfully tried) the baby b’air? (pictured) What about ergo’ing the heck out of a squirmy toddler? Can I get the little guy to sit in the big guy’s lap for four hours?

Help me!!

Related travel tips for you: travel light this summer and how to go it alone on a plane with a baby

We threw a real birthday party for Holden this year and we tried to do it on the cheap. The funny thing was that we had a great plan — some of it was even well-executed — and we still spent more than $150. Ouch!

I think with hindsight, I could cut that to $55ish.

So, learn from my successes and my mistakes and throw a super-cheap birthday party for your three-year old!

1. Limit the guest list. It cannot be overstated that the easiest way to cut costs is to cut guests. Holden wanted a “big party” so we started off with an evite of all his friends (who come with parents at this age), our whole family (most of whom live out of state and wouldn’t come), my coworkers, and all our friends with kids (who, of course, come with kids).

   The evite was up to 37 adults before I asked WTF: Is Holden’s idea of a BIG PARTY even this big? On the brink of sending the message; we decided, no, and chose a few kids who were his close friends (the ones he would choose) and their folks. Ahhh, better.

2. Choose a free place! We’ve been to some super fun third birthday parties this year: an all bouncy house party, a play space rental party, a pirate themed party (also with bouncy houses), a kickas$ backyard festival, and had our own fantasies of petting zoos and king cobras. Luckily, we asked the kid where he wanted to celebrate and he chose the local (and free!) playground with picnic tables. Yeehaw.

   We had a biking theme and brought Holden’s trike and “wobbly bike” for others to try out and encouraged his guests to do the same. It was terrific. Between the kids, we had a scooter and another tricycle to add to the mix. Kids were great about sharing and trying out the different sets of wheels.

3. Let the kid choose the menu (within reason) After all, kid food is cheap food. I offered some choices I could live with: sandwiches, pizza, or Mexican and Holden chose (emphatically) sandwiches. When pressed for specifics, he wanted PBJ. Hecka cheap. He also asked for dry cereal, but I decided that was too weird.

   The morning of, we cut about 5 sandwiches into quarters and then panicked about what the adults would eat. I went to the grocery store for a last minute run on beverages (water bottles, juice boxes, milk boxes), berries, water melon, green salad to the tune of $83. I think a little pre-planning might have helped.

   You don’t need to cater the party to the taste of the adults. Worst case, they leave a little hungry and don’t think that three-year olds eat very well. So what. Maybe they’ll snack before coming next year. Best case, they appreciate your simplicity and think that the kid planned a menu of his favorites (in this case it was true!).

4. Limit the decorations.
   

   Again, this is a place where you can go unnecessarily overboard. For about $30 at the party supply outlet, I got 3 helium balloons (best investment!), blue plates, blue cups, blue napkins, plastic cutlery, a teensy 3 candle, and a white table covering.

   The solid blue stuff was good because it can all be reused (Hannukah!!) but we really only used the plates. All the food was finger food (only one mom touched our green salad with a plastic fork, the rest was undisturbed) and drink boxes. I could have probably gotten away with spending $5 on just the balloons, plates, candle, and table coverings.

5. Bake your own mini cupcakes. For $5 rather than my $42, you can bake some tasty mini cupcakes if time permits. Instead, I went to one of my favorite bakeries and custom ordered (the minimum) 24 cupcakes. We also baked cookies (because he very specifically asked for cake and cookies, but the kids didn’t go for them, so they were tragically wasted.

My grand total was $257ish = $83 (food) + $30 (decorations + $42 (cupcakes) + $0 (location) + $7 (favors of sand toys to use today and take away) virtual $100 (invitations)

My revised grand total $55ish = $45 (less food) + $5 (less decorations) + $5 (cheaper cupcakes or $12 for a dozen brownie bites) + $7 (reusable favors) $0 (for location and invitations)

and no whining, and a slightly used ergo, and maybe some chocolate truffles from charles chocolates with peanut butter inside, but otherwise no gifts for me this Mother’s Day.

A year ago, when Milo was fresh, our family went to Brushstrokes (paint-your-own) Pottery and made a mug of Holden’s relatively big footprints and Milo’s teeny tiny footprints. I declared that — forever going forward — Alec and the boys need only fill the mug with something special for Mother’s Day. And that something could always be (good) chocolate. Done and done.

I want to be recognized, appreciated, loved but I don’t need more clutter in my home.

So, that covers the gift portion of the day, but what do I really want? I want to sleep a full night and wake up to happy children. I want the happy children to cooperate as we get ready for a delicious brunch out some place fabulous. I want there to be a very short wait (even though it is Mother’s Day and brunch is not unheard of for such fabulous places). I would also like to avoid all poopy diapers, whining, discipline, and household chores for one day. Basically, I want the fun parts of motherhood without the unpleasant parts.

And world peace.

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How do you want to be recognized this Mother’s Day? Share your hopes and dreams as part of a Blog Blast, sponsored by Johnson’s Baby Cause - a new charitable giving site that I don’t really understand and the Parent Bloggers Network. You’ve got until tonight to write your post.

In honor of Earth Day/Weekend/Month, we’ve been trying to ride our bikes more as transportation. Since Milo’s birthday, we use the bike trailer to take the boys to school most days already, so we’re just amping it up and riding more for errands and what not.

For example, on Saturday, we took Milo and Holden to the Berkeley Earth Day festival via bike trailer… we were not the only ones. It was a very earthy thing to do.

On Sunday, for my own naptime siesta, I biked to my pedicure appointment and then to the mall. I was laughing all the way on my cruiser because the whole thing seemed so funny (look world! I’m on a bike instead of a car! check me out!).

Yesterday, during my lunchtime, I biked my errands to Target rather than driving.

So, while I feel so proud and green and think, “What a good girl am I,” I also gotta ask, “Can I drive again yet?!” My quads are tired and I have helmet head.

Today at Totland playground, I was reflecting that when Holden was this age (13 months), I was just a little bit pregnant and about to go down the path of being pregnant with a young toddler on my way to two under two.

Wow, what was I thinking? And what will I think of next?

I started to brainstorm about what’s just a little better this time around.

1. No morning sickness
2. I don’t worry whether Milo will walk or not walk. I know some day he will and I think it’s kinda cool he takes his time about it.
3. Likewise, I don’t stress about whether he’ll talk or not. He’ll get there. I could live without the screeching and pointing but I’m pretty sure it’s temporary.
4. Holden is an amazing big brother; he sees that Milo is learning so much and he’s patient to teach him things, model being the big boy, and generally boss him around.
5. I love to see the brotherly love.
6. We’re all sleeping better.
7. Milo’s got a sweet laugh and he really lights up when he sees his dad.
8. Balls. Milo loves ‘em and he’s lucky because we have ‘em in stock.
9. Gear. Like with balls (or any toys), we’re pretty well stocked up and don’t have to run out to buy much — except diapers.
10. Clothes. See balls and gear. We’re lucky to have Holden’s hand-me-downs plus Julian’s. Yay!
11. No anticipation of being 9 months pregnant with a 20 month old (granted, I didn’t really know what to anticipate, but now that I do, whew, I think I’ll avoid that situation if I can).
12. Music Together. Silly but true. I’m glad we’re doing it again, because H liked it so much.
13. I can fit into my clothes again.

Plus I have all those mushy love feelings whenever I think of them, look at pictures of them, or visit them sleeping.

Since I tried my little sample pack of the Mabel’s Labels that work on clothes and plasticky bottles and food containers, I have not looked back. I wasn’t sure that I would really like these things… in fact, I’ve tried a fair number of home-grown substitutions.

Three reasons to love them:

• Each boy has a symbol so that even pre-readers can find their stuff: Milo is a little airplane and Holden is a little dog (sad but true)
• Dishwasher safe. Over and over… in a way that my Sharpies are not and my contraband label-maker labels (from a previous company long since disbanded) don’t seem to be.
• Slurp-resistant. Most importantly, they survived the loving but incredibly intense slurps of a nine-month old on his naptime lovey. This was the area in which I didn’t want to take any chances.

This Thursday only, Mabel is celebrating a fifth birthday with a special promotion: Orders placed between 12:00am and 11:59pm EDT on Thursday March 27th will be shipped with a coupon for free Sticky Labels, the original product that started it all.
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The good folks at Mabel’s Labels sent us a sample of their product four months ago. I would not say I loved it if I hadn’t thoroughly tested it.

Whitney warned me last week that with weaning comes some moodiness.

I think I’m having it in the form of ridiculous, inappropriate rage. I first noticed it Thursday at lunch (with Whitney and Scarlett in fact) when the service was slow and I could actually picture myself (on multiple occasions) standing up and throwing dishes in order to get some attention. It happened four times in my head.

Though I restrained myself, I could feel my blood boiling and I had to ask myself, “self, what is the big F’ing deal? You’re at lunch with a friend, her baby is fed, yours are in school. Relax. Exhale.” I was so pissed that I went and wrote a nasty Yelp review when I got back to my desk.

Fast forward to yesterday morning after my exercise class during the weekly weigh-in. I had a HUGE fight (in my head again) with the person checking my stats because she asked such unforgivable questions as, “what are your goals?” and “do you have kids?”

Side note: My weight has not really moved in the past six weeks of class but I’m way stronger and I’ve told this person two or three times that I have kids.

As I was walking to my car with my wonderful (childless) friend, I wanted to rant, rave, and rage about the ridiculous things that Leila had just said to me… but before I could utter, “could you believe that” I realized how trivial and silly my complaints would sound. Hmmmph.

Last night, my mom helped to put the boys to bed. She lay Milo down first in his crib (as is our usual custom) while we did a little more reading and tooth-brushing with Holden. Holden wanted Grammy to put him to bed and I was pretty confident that it would be ok; Holden knows how to be quiet, he does this part almost every night.

Well, Milo woke up.

So, I slammed the door in their room (WTF?!)

Then, Milo screamed. So, I sneaked back in and apologized.

My new theory was that I was actually getting too much testosterone from exercising. But duh, might weaning also send my body off-kilter? It’s been about a week now.

I did it.

I survived a weekend away from my family. Yeehaw!

This is the fourth time that I’ve been away from Holden overnight — the first two being my grandpa’s funeral and Milo’s birth and the other a bridal shower in which I toted Milo along — but only the first time away from Milo.

I was nervous. But, encouraged by my friend Molly’s sage advice, I made the most of it!

When I emailed her asking for good humor and courage, she assured me that I already had both in abundance (you gotta love a friend like Molly). She wrote that what I needed to remember most is that my “boys will THRIVE if I THRIVE.”

And I knew with total certainty that if I was going to get on that plane to Miami and then mope and sulk, I was not doing anyone any good… not my friends who wanted to celebrate, not my husband who agreed to hold down the fort, and not my cutie pie sons.

So I had fun.

Well, I laughed, i cried, I drank wine, i tried to smoke a cigar, I sat under an umbrella on the beach, I stayed out late, I slept 8 hours in a row, I showered uninterrupted, I ate a ton, I read a book, I flipped through trashy magazines, I had adult conversations, and I THRIVED!

Names and pictures of my friends are not provided because what happens in Miami stays in Miami other than all those bits I just told you.

We hosted a little playdate at our house for the under-two set to celebrate Milo’s birthday for the camera. A very little playdate. In fact, I accidentally invited more people than I meant to because I copied the evite guest list from Holden’s big O-1 and then had to uninvite a bunch of people… oops! Maybe if it weren’t such a darn rainy time of year, we could have gotten wild in the backyard, but it is what it is.

We put the kid in a party hat and let him mangle some wonderful cake. Done and done.

With the obligatory photos out of the way, I focused on “Celebrating My Way“: glamming it up at an Oscar Party and remembering how just last year with seven “go into labor” cookies in my belly, I went into labor after Whitney’s Oscar Party… ahhh memories.

I wore the bridesmaid dress from Whitney’s wedding in 2001 and forced Alec into his best suit (the one we got married in, if you’re wondering) and we sat in the front row cheering and booing with the rest of the silly people. Good times.