RookieMoms Blog

If you’re dying to know if your friend, acquaintance, or chubby barista at Starbucks is pregnant, you may Never Ever ask outright. You may not ask directly if you know she’s trying, she’s being crazy bitchy, and you just noticed a maternity band around her waist.

Instead, might I suggest these more tactful questions to suss out your answer:

1. Do you have any travel plans for Christmas this year? (or other occasion about 6 months into the future)
2. Are you training for a triathlon this summer? (or other sick endurance event)
3. Do you mind if I smoke? (not foolproof and not going to work in Berkeley)
4. Would you like some brie?
5. Would you like a cocktail? I make a very good ______
6. Does this milk/cheese/meat smell rancid to you?
7. Your hair looks so lovely and thick. Are you using a different shampoo/stylist?
8. Do you think you and ____ are going to have any (more) children? (a totally rude and invasive question but way way preferred to asking if she already is pregnant, trust me!)
9. Will you help me put a very heavy new satellite dish on my roof this weekend?
10. Would you like to go surfing/snowboarding this weekend? Our rental place has a hot tub too.
11. Where did you get that beautiful shirt? Is that Anthropologie? (or Liz Lange by Target?)
12. (Say nothing at all and ask her friends)
13. You are positively glowing. (and leave it at that)

For other silly and serious Thursday 13’s…

We threw a real birthday party for Holden this year and we tried to do it on the cheap. The funny thing was that we had a great plan — some of it was even well-executed — and we still spent more than $150. Ouch!

I think with hindsight, I could cut that to $55ish.

So, learn from my successes and my mistakes and throw a super-cheap birthday party for your three-year old!

1. Limit the guest list. It cannot be overstated that the easiest way to cut costs is to cut guests. Holden wanted a “big party” so we started off with an evite of all his friends (who come with parents at this age), our whole family (most of whom live out of state and wouldn’t come), my coworkers, and all our friends with kids (who, of course, come with kids).

   The evite was up to 37 adults before I asked WTF: Is Holden’s idea of a BIG PARTY even this big? On the brink of sending the message; we decided, no, and chose a few kids who were his close friends (the ones he would choose) and their folks. Ahhh, better.

2. Choose a free place! We’ve been to some super fun third birthday parties this year: an all bouncy house party, a play space rental party, a pirate themed party (also with bouncy houses), a kickas$ backyard festival, and had our own fantasies of petting zoos and king cobras. Luckily, we asked the kid where he wanted to celebrate and he chose the local (and free!) playground with picnic tables. Yeehaw.

   We had a biking theme and brought Holden’s trike and “wobbly bike” for others to try out and encouraged his guests to do the same. It was terrific. Between the kids, we had a scooter and another tricycle to add to the mix. Kids were great about sharing and trying out the different sets of wheels.

3. Let the kid choose the menu (within reason) After all, kid food is cheap food. I offered some choices I could live with: sandwiches, pizza, or Mexican and Holden chose (emphatically) sandwiches. When pressed for specifics, he wanted PBJ. Hecka cheap. He also asked for dry cereal, but I decided that was too weird.

   The morning of, we cut about 5 sandwiches into quarters and then panicked about what the adults would eat. I went to the grocery store for a last minute run on beverages (water bottles, juice boxes, milk boxes), berries, water melon, green salad to the tune of $83. I think a little pre-planning might have helped.

   You don’t need to cater the party to the taste of the adults. Worst case, they leave a little hungry and don’t think that three-year olds eat very well. So what. Maybe they’ll snack before coming next year. Best case, they appreciate your simplicity and think that the kid planned a menu of his favorites (in this case it was true!).

4. Limit the decorations.
   

   Again, this is a place where you can go unnecessarily overboard. For about $30 at the party supply outlet, I got 3 helium balloons (best investment!), blue plates, blue cups, blue napkins, plastic cutlery, a teensy 3 candle, and a white table covering.

   The solid blue stuff was good because it can all be reused (Hannukah!!) but we really only used the plates. All the food was finger food (only one mom touched our green salad with a plastic fork, the rest was undisturbed) and drink boxes. I could have probably gotten away with spending $5 on just the balloons, plates, candle, and table coverings.

5. Bake your own mini cupcakes. For $5 rather than my $42, you can bake some tasty mini cupcakes if time permits. Instead, I went to one of my favorite bakeries and custom ordered (the minimum) 24 cupcakes. We also baked cookies (because he very specifically asked for cake and cookies, but the kids didn’t go for them, so they were tragically wasted.

My grand total was $257ish = $83 (food) + $30 (decorations + $42 (cupcakes) + $0 (location) + $7 (favors of sand toys to use today and take away) virtual $100 (invitations)

My revised grand total $55ish = $45 (less food) + $5 (less decorations) + $5 (cheaper cupcakes or $12 for a dozen brownie bites) + $7 (reusable favors) $0 (for location and invitations)

So we had a “blog blast” last week. How fun is that? We wrangled some prize bags and asked a bunch of parent bloggers to blog about their rookie year as a mom.

Here are the results:

Secret Mom Thoughts: Adventures

Rockin’ Mama: A Rookie at Heart

Flibbs.com: Battling Yoda and Diaper Flaps at the Same Time

Susie J: Dining in a Wine-List Restaurant with Kids

PhotoChick: Flashback Fridays Featuring Awesome Outings

Cheese Party: Flying With Baby Times Ten

Midwestern MommyFrom Target to Take Out: My Rookie Mom Year

Havoc and Mayhem: How Not to Take Your Newborn to Florida

Get a Grip Mom: Hug-a-By Baby

Temporarily Me: Integrating Into a New World: Rookie Style

Thrifty Toddler: It’s the Breakfast Club, Baby!

MotherGooseMouse: Leaving on a Jet Plane

How Much Is a Duck Worth: Mommy Needs Out Field Trip, and a Fun Site Shout Out!

My Family Loves It: My First Year as a MOM: Restaurants, Playgroup & Hockey!

Mayberry Mom: Never Too Young for Happy Hour

WhitneyandRyan.comThe One Where Julian was a Frat Boy

MamaDrama: Outings with your kids ~ OR ~ IfWeDon’tGetOutaThisHouseRightNowI’mGoingToGoCrazy!!

After The Bubbly: Pumps to Pampers: My First Year of Motherhood

Baby PhD: Rug Shopping with a 2 Month Old

One in 36 million: Sand in His Butt-Crack

Frankly Frivolous: Strawberries and Greeks for Baby

The Dana Files: Take Me Out to the Mall Game

Zrob: This Time Last Year - First Time Eating Out

The Kiddie Clique: The Torturing of Charlotte

Motherhood Uncensored: What to Wear at BlogHer 2008: A Sleeping Baby

And a Baby: Who Doesn’t Love a Montage?

Today at Totland playground, I was reflecting that when Holden was this age (13 months), I was just a little bit pregnant and about to go down the path of being pregnant with a young toddler on my way to two under two.

Wow, what was I thinking? And what will I think of next?

I started to brainstorm about what’s just a little better this time around.

1. No morning sickness
2. I don’t worry whether Milo will walk or not walk. I know some day he will and I think it’s kinda cool he takes his time about it.
3. Likewise, I don’t stress about whether he’ll talk or not. He’ll get there. I could live without the screeching and pointing but I’m pretty sure it’s temporary.
4. Holden is an amazing big brother; he sees that Milo is learning so much and he’s patient to teach him things, model being the big boy, and generally boss him around.
5. I love to see the brotherly love.
6. We’re all sleeping better.
7. Milo’s got a sweet laugh and he really lights up when he sees his dad.
8. Balls. Milo loves ‘em and he’s lucky because we have ‘em in stock.
9. Gear. Like with balls (or any toys), we’re pretty well stocked up and don’t have to run out to buy much — except diapers.
10. Clothes. See balls and gear. We’re lucky to have Holden’s hand-me-downs plus Julian’s. Yay!
11. No anticipation of being 9 months pregnant with a 20 month old (granted, I didn’t really know what to anticipate, but now that I do, whew, I think I’ll avoid that situation if I can).
12. Music Together. Silly but true. I’m glad we’re doing it again, because H liked it so much.
13. I can fit into my clothes again.

Plus I have all those mushy love feelings whenever I think of them, look at pictures of them, or visit them sleeping.

A holiday round-up for last minute wannabe gift-givers

1. Thingamababy shares the five hottest (and freeest gifts for small ones. Reminds me I’m still planning to nab one of those appliance boxes from work for a giant fort!
2. The Mighty Goods Gift Guide is the mother of all gift guides (and sort of the opposite of our first pick). We love fellow rookie mom Andrea’s superhero necklaces.
3. Dutch’s 2006 Holiday Shopping Guide for the Indie Sonofabitch Parent — ‘nuf said.
4. Uncle Mark’s Gift Guide and Almanac — he narrows down all the choices to the best pick of cameras, phones (the same!), and now a baby gift guide that looks suspiciously like our own registry list. Right on.
5. Design*Sponge Bloggers Wishlist is what Whitney would have put together if she had more time and less children. Gorgeous, handmade, and fun.
6. Cool Mom Picks have both the Holiday Gift Guide and Safer Toy Guide in case you wouldn’t be happy just giving your baby a cardboard box.
7. Gastronomic gifts that rock from the Food Section gift guide — I’d like to see what Milo would do with that Loopabowl!



8. Urban Outfitters has collected three pages worth of gifts under $50, including these brightly colored Lomography fish-eye cameras for the sibling who fancies himself hip and artsy. Whitney will be buying the Florida Gators tee for her husband.
9. CityMama’s easy and cheap (and local) guide to homemade gifts. Now step away from the mouse and make something.
10. The Design Public Gift Guide is another favorite for well-designed adorability. If you’re too cheap to shop here, start a wishlist.
11. The Mominatrix holiday gift guide is like none other on our list. Oh snap.
12. Auntie Karen’s guide of potentially impractical but completely fabulous gifts for families
13. More? Check out 39 mom-tested holiday gift ideas in the Rookie Moms Holiday Shopping Guide.

Read more lists of thirteen items at ThursdayThirteen.com

This challenge was part of my list of 101 things to do in 1,001 days. Well, mission accomplished, I got this little number and I like it.

But I’m really here to recommend the undies.

I don’t normally find most of the fancy stuff comfortable. Admit it, we do it for the guys. But I want to go on record here as saying that I think the ultra low-rise lacy teeny bikini things are extremely comfortable. For reals. They don’t have those painful strings cutting in the sides or up the back, but they still look you know…like you’re making an effort.

And here’s an unintended stroke of luck for pregnant (and recently post-partum mamas)…because of our society’s current obsession with ultra low rise for everyone, I bet they would make good maternity undies too. Let me know.

Ultra low rise apologies to any of my co-workers or old high school buddies who may be reading this. At least I’m not talking about nipples.

Crossing off: 8. Buy a special outfit of lingerie

Hey everyone!
I got a job. And I like it. And that makes me nervous. Because it could all go away.

Let me tell you a few things:

1. Being at work is easier than being at home with a baby (or two babies) almost all of the time.
2. Working and also getting all the home stuff done and spending enough time with said babies is actually quite challenging.
3. Finding a job with a flexible schedule paying enough money to make childcare feasible is super hard — without even factoring in whether or not it is a job worth having.
4. And finding a job worth having with a flexible schedule, enough money, that’s close to home and preschool with a life partner like Alec to balance the home stuff and BFF/LLP site partner like Whitney to keep the rookiemoms rolling along — well, that’s like getting a baby to sleep through the night all the time — you don’t want to talk about it and jinx yourself!

Since Holden was born two and half years ago, I have had several combinations of free-lance and part-time gigs. This is the first one I’m really excited about though. So wish me luck and go buy a bunch of TasteBooks to keep me in business. Thanks!

This bumps these two things off my list.

98. Update my resume
99. Get a job I like

Related links:
> Fighting for work/life balance via Mom’s Rising
> Whitney’s take on TasteBook
> Check out TasteBook.com for yourself

When I added this item to my list, I envisioned lazily cycling through the Italian or French countryside with cycling shorts camouflaged beneath an impossibly fresh outfit; a baguette in my basket; and my husband towing our well-behaved cherubs in a trailer (or maybe they were left at home or back at the villa, but I know I wasn’t dealing with them).

Further, I imagined a gentle breeze and stopping for light meals at adorable roadside towns. Perhaps my skin would get a healthy suntan for the first time ever and certainly, a few sips of wine at each port-of-call would not make me too tipsy to ride the narrow streets. And there would be no serious climbs.

Well, blah blah blah. My pal, Olivia, and I rode the shortest loop on the Tour d’Organics this year. Alec managed the wee ones and they met us at the various organic farm stops. It was wine country California but there was no wine. I had my first flat tire in years, but Alec found us and saved me. It wasn’t exactly as I imagined, but it was certainly a good day!

Cross it off.

Dang. Did everyone but me know that all the movies in the 60’s were period pieces, musicals, or both?! I was blindsided.

So, Thursday night is movie night. Alec goes out and I schedule a cinematic masterpiece. I’ve invited over lots of friends, Julie McCoy style, but so far it’s been just me.

7/20 Ben Hur — Wow. Epic, good. Kinda cheesy in a theatrical sort of way that we’re not used to seeing anymore. Glad to have seen it.
8/2 The Apartment — I liked it. Easy to watch. Comedy. Good times and good acting. I’m sure I’ll experience this over and over, but it’s cool seeing some of these actors (Shirley MacLaine and Jack Lemmon notably) so darn young.
8/9 West Side Story — How gay is this movie?! I dubbed it the movie that I really should have seen at the Castro theater. My friend Amanda joined me for the show and we chuckled the whole way through.
8/16 Lawrence of Arabia was cracked in half, couldn’t watch it
8/23 Lawrence of Arabia, again for real — it really seems like the 60’s were all about epics and musicals (I know that Sound of Music is coming up) — did moviegoers really have the attention span for something like this?! Truly interesting and captivating. I feel like I learned something, but it took me almost four days to get through it. It’s four hours long I think.
8/30 Tom Jones — really hard for me to watch. The sensibilities of the 60’s… hmmm, too goofy to explain. Also a period movie. I wonder if I watched all the best pics from now to then in reverse if I would have been more prepared.
9/6 My Fair Lady — A fun one to watch. Audrey Hepburn so young and in a story that I’ve known without ever seeing the movie before. Pretty Woman was clearly derived from this. Odd ending.
9/13 Sound of Music — Tried to watch this one as film rather than the movie that played on TV every year of my life around Thanksgiving. Is there anyone out there who hasn’t seen it? It’s great. And a musical. Set in the past. Surprise.
9/20 A Man for All Seasons — I gave this movie my best shot by not holding and using my laptop. Set in the past, circa Henry the 8th, it continues the streak of nothing modern. I dozed hard. I might have to give up on this one. But Alec’s dad assures me it’s a good one.
10/4 In the Heat of the Night — wow. A real good one. Current. Suspenseful. Highly recommended.
10/11 - 11/11 Oliver! — Reminds me of MFL in that its yet another period musical with songs I never knew how I knew ‘em.

My two recommendations: I know y’all have seen Sound of Music so I won’t bother with that one, the best two that I hadn’t already seen were easily In the Heat of the Night and The Apartment. Both are selling for less than $5 on Amazon right now so if you have a movie collection, go for it!

My big take-away from this exercise: if you really want to get to know a year (or a decade), it’s probably better to watch all the nominees rather than just the winners. But as for me, I’m ready to take a break for a while from all this ummm… culture / homework and settle into the new TV season and watching Weeds on DVD.

I work in an office with lots of women. Invariably, one of them buys a very fancy chocolate bar for the office to share in the afternoon. Each person breaks off a square or a row of chocolate and somehow it falls to me (the nursing mom?) to finish it off.

I’m not sure how I’ll squeeze my way into new hot mama jeans at this rate, but it sure is a nice tradition. It got me thinking of my favorite snacks and desserts:

1. Hot drinking chocolate from Sketch — now, tragically, in the midst of a remodel
2. Any kind of mocha latte cookie or our own chocolate chip oatmeal — a near-nightly event
3. Any molten chocolate souffle thingie — they used to have an amazing one at Scharffen Berger
4. Oreos and cool whip — every afternoon in high school
5. Creme brulee — cracking glaze with vanilla bean flecks and no bizarre fruit infusion
6. Ben and Jerry’s coffee coffee buzz buzz buzz or vanilla heath bar crunch
7. Chocolate won tons — AKA “pillows of heaven” from the now defunct Tin Pan in SF
8. 10 sugar cookies — almost every school day in lieu of lunch I’m ashamed to admit (sorry mom!)
9. Chocolate cupcakes with white or pink butter cream frosting from Teacake or Bette’s
10. My wedding cake — which we polished off in less than a week by eating at every meal
11. Junior mints — I’m not all fancy
12. Strawberry shortcake with real whipped cream — Heidi’s recipe
13. Hot apple pie with vanilla ice cream — still seeking the best in Berkeley

See more silly and serious lists at thursdaythirteen.com or make your own.