RookieMoms Blog

Julie, of A Little Pregnant, had her first son when I had mine, about 3.5 years ago after much hot action on the infertility front. She had multiple miscarriages and other challenges which she shared with humor and honesty in her blog. Her son came prematurely and breastfeeding did not go as she hoped, and again, she shared everything with the Internets.

I thank her for doing this because it was her blog that let me know that I was not alone in my struggles to conceive. It was her blog that answered the question for me of “who wants to read someone else’s journal?” Every step of the way in motherhood, this has become more obvious to me as we can all accompany each other and share in the (not as natural as you thought it would be) transition to motherhood. Yay for mom bloggers. You keep me sane.

And now, Julie is expecting her second boy. She’s fully aware that you can plan plan plan, but in parenting, you cannot control control control. Read her “birth plan” to get a taste of her brand of wit.

Here’s a little taste of her detailed fantasy labor description to get you started:

Oh, sure, some women might think it hurts to have your entire body seize up in the grip of a spasmodic contraction. But I experience it more as, oh, kind of like a sneeze. That’s it, a delicate kitten’s sneeze. The pre-pregnancy kind, with no appalling stress incontinence to speak of.

If you’re dying to know if your friend, acquaintance, or chubby barista at Starbucks is pregnant, you may Never Ever ask outright. You may not ask directly if you know she’s trying, she’s being crazy bitchy, and you just noticed a maternity band around her waist.

Instead, might I suggest these more tactful questions to suss out your answer:

1. Do you have any travel plans for Christmas this year? (or other occasion about 6 months into the future)
2. Are you training for a triathlon this summer? (or other sick endurance event)
3. Do you mind if I smoke? (not foolproof and not going to work in Berkeley)
4. Would you like some brie?
5. Would you like a cocktail? I make a very good ______
6. Does this milk/cheese/meat smell rancid to you?
7. Your hair looks so lovely and thick. Are you using a different shampoo/stylist?
8. Do you think you and ____ are going to have any (more) children? (a totally rude and invasive question but way way preferred to asking if she already is pregnant, trust me!)
9. Will you help me put a very heavy new satellite dish on my roof this weekend?
10. Would you like to go surfing/snowboarding this weekend? Our rental place has a hot tub too.
11. Where did you get that beautiful shirt? Is that Anthropologie? (or Liz Lange by Target?)
12. (Say nothing at all and ask her friends)
13. You are positively glowing. (and leave it at that)

For other silly and serious Thursday 13’s…

Angie, from BabyCheapskate and Freepeats is now Angie of BlogCoach. And when she does something, she really does it! Just looking at the home page of BlogCoach.org (let alone all the invariable clicking and reading), I feel like I really learned some good stuff. I tell you this because its a great new resource for bloggers, young and old new and experienced.

At BlogCoach, you’ll find helpful, informative articles about blogging, blogging resources, and a friendly community full of plain-talking bloggers and web publishers eager to help you grow your blog.

I was honored that Angie wanted to interview me for this new project. We “talked” about the ins and outs of working with a blog partner and turning blog topics into a book (among other things). Stop over and check out the interview with me about rookie moms. Tell her I said hi.

And I dare you not to learn something new.

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It’s naptime here for Milo and I just read cover to cover The Granny Diaries: an insider’s guide for new grandmothers and loved it! I suspect that since my oldest son is three that my mom and MIL already learned most of this stuff the hard way… BUT, if I could go back to my first-time-pregnant self, I would engineer a way for both of them to get copies (either anonymously or from their own battle-scarred girlfriends). It’s that good!

The Granny Diaries is written by an actual hip grandma, Adair Lara, about all the mistakes she made and lessons from her own screw-ups grandmothering an infant and toddler. It’s packed with funny-but-true advice about not interfering and always following the mama’s rules (instead of freestyling and giving my son his first ice cream while I’m parking the car at the grocery store and didn’t even think to ask you not to give him ice cream!!) while also celebrating the great parts of grandmothering too.

Do yourself a favor and find a copy of this book and mail it anonymously to any new grandmothers out there. The sanity you save may be your own.

—
I received this copy to read and review and love from our friends at Chronicle Books. I’ll be sneaking it into my MIL’s bags at her next visit.

It’s starting to drive me a little nuts that all the cute modern shirts that are in style right now look like maternity shirts. For $78 you can wear this lovely tee shirt from Anthropologie and look utterly shapeless. Awesome.

Dear readers, if you are secretly pregnant — rejoice! If you are newly post-partum — rejoice! These styles are made for you.

Dooce looked like a million bucks on the Today show, but her dress really got me wondering… how can you tell the stylish and the pregnant apart? I’ve been asked myself so I would *never* advocate asking anyone.

But if you are tired of looking pregnant and post-partum after four years of being those things (like me), what the heck are you wearing?!!

Never knew I’d be the type to wear my kids names around my neck, but guess what, I do, I am, so deal with it.

My necklace is lovely and comes from penelopepoet.com, a site run by a mom that is a personal friend of mine. And today I found yet another option for getting my momma jewelry fix.

The Anne Made store on Etsy offers this personalized necklace for $22. And congratulations to Anne, for she is a rookie mom-to-be.

Flying with a baby, by myself and with my husband, I can do. We took our three-week old baby across country so I wouldn’t miss one of my best friends get married.

We flew with Holden at 5 months, 6 months, and 7 months… and then I declared, “I’m never flying with that squirmy baby again unless he has his own seat.” So, though the domestic airlines would let us fly with him seat-free for another 17 months, I had reached my own limit.

Firstborn Holden always gets a seat on the plane and, so far, second son Milo does not. I flew with him at 3 months, 5 months, and 9 months but still no seat. His next flight promises to be at a very squirmy and unpleasant 17 months… so, I ask you internets:

So, what are some good safety tips when you fly without a seat for your toddler?

Has anyone successfully (or unsuccessfully tried) the baby b’air? (pictured) What about ergo’ing the heck out of a squirmy toddler? Can I get the little guy to sit in the big guy’s lap for four hours?

Help me!!

Related travel tips for you: travel light this summer and how to go it alone on a plane with a baby

Whitney and I both have young and hip husbands in the all-important 18 to 34 demographic while we are in the less desirable 35+ bucket ourselves. It is from this vantage point that I flipped through How Not to Look Old and wondered, “is she talking to me? (or my mom?)”

I got the book sent to me for free by the publisher and immediately put it in the pile with books For Other People and went on with my day.

I like to think of myself as “wash and go” or better “low maintenance” and that’s all well and good when you are young and taut. When I used to spend my weekends in college in my pajama bottoms, I’m sure that I still looked pretty darn cute. If I couldn’t be bothered with makeup in my twenties, I still looked like I was in my twenties. Know what I mean?

Then I found Fussy’s Frump Fighting Manifesto during my Internets prowling the other week. Mrs. Fussypants has five sons (one newborn) and proclaims “we can’t both look good, it’s me or the house” (oops, we both look sloppy!) and “respect the rack!!” among other tips. Since reading that list, I’ve purged more t-shirts that don’t flatter my body and started questioning this whole topic.

With the last five pounds of baby #2 hugging my middle and my Berkeley casual attitude, I think I’m on the slippery slope to frumpsville. Oh crap.

I went back to the book. I furiously read it as fast (and as casually as I could) so I could soak up all the important parts without letting on to Alec that I care. I learned about letting go of ill-fitting jeans and embracing natural looking make-up. She offers tested product brands to try as well as strategies for staying in fashion without being a slave to it. That last bit appeals to my industrial engineering practicality, my ever-present frugality, AND my low maintenance ideal.

Lucky for me, my Mother In Law visited this weekend and she saw the book. And she picked it up. And she casually read and memorized all she could without taking notes or acting like she cared too much. So, I offered it to her and she accepted. Because you can’t be 35 and have that book sitting on your coffee table. Nor can you really ever give it as a gift.

Oh good, she is talking to my mom, she says “boomers” right here. Whew!

We celebrated Alec’s birthday this weekend with a little barbecue and a series of gifts intended to celebrate both his geekiness and his inner child: namely Make Electronics Kit for building mini robots with (or without!) Holden and Guitar Hero for the Wii. He couldn’t have been happier if I bought him the new iPhone (well, maybe).

So back to the part where I scarred my three-year-old for life or longer…

After the barbecue, he was a little riled up and had trouble going off to sleep. Maybe it was the 40 potato chips, apple juice, or cake. Or the excitement of having just turned the sprinkler on as the party was winding down. Maybe it’s the recent night-time potty training. Who can say?

But just as I was debuting (I got booed off stage, but I did dance and sing and try my best) to Poison’s Talk Dirty to Me on “daddy’s new guitar” Holden showed up in our dining room wearing only footie pajamas with the body and sleeves slung up over his shoulder and no diaper (he couldn’t figure out how to reattach it himself). Since I was so focused on my art, I didn’t look over at him, but Alec, MIL, and our two adult male guests saw him jaw agape.

I guess he went into some form of shock and the questions started flying.

• What’s Mommy doing? Can I try?
• What’s that show on TV? How does that work?
• (Is this what you guys do every night after I go to bed?)

He was up chattering for another 45 minutes unable to calm himself. And I’ve been afraid to play again.

I wish I was styley enough to pull this off. My first problem is that I cannot wear a strapless top with these nursing boobs. And I think it’s the strapless that really accents the coolness of these handknit necklaces.

They are from “little purl” on etsy.com.

(via coquette)