RookieMoms Blog

I live in California where most of my friends don’t smoke.

When I was in college, my boyfriend smoked though, and I remember what it’s like to walk up to a cool smoker who’s waiting some place for you. He’s leaning and he’s smoking and he’s oh-so-relaxed.

Nowadays, when I’m waiting for you, I’m likely to be heads-down furtively thumb-clicking (or side-stroking) my iPhone looking at my photos, reading my emails, double-checking a map, or listening to my voicemail. If only I could move away from my handy purse-size whomi, I’d be updating my calendar too. It’s not exactly relaxing but it takes the edge off of a late-arriving friend (or even if someone ducks into the restroom during a dinner date).

And that’s why I said to Alec, “iPhone is the new smoking.” It’s what all those cool waiting-around geeks are playing with as they lean against walls waiting for their buses. I wonder what my ex would say if he could see me now.

—
I got an iPhone as a gift from my job. I like it way more than I thought I would. New moms, if you can indulge in such a luxury, it will radically change your nursing behavior.

There’s something so refreshing about reading Mama Rock’s Rules.

And I read a lot of parenting books.

The thing that’s different (and great!) is that it’s all common sense. Nobody is trying to get me to remember to act like a grunting caveman when I talk to my toddler or shush and swaddle and jiggle (sorry Harvey, I still love you!) — there’s nothing here to memorize. Instead, Rose has a knack for distilling the essence of responsible parenting into easy-to-remember and time-tested rules (honed while mothering 27 kids).

These were the ones that stuck with me:

1. I’m your mama not your friend. When I said this to my almost-three-year old, he said, “mommy you’re my friend too” so I just let it go because he was so cute. But I think it’s worth remembering that the parent’s job is not to be the most popular, but raise self-sufficient kids who know right from wrong.
2. Have a family dinner every night. I somehow got this one in my head already, so I like reading reinforcement that this is not just my crazy idea but rather a proven method for building a close relationship with your children. Mama Rock thinks our kids are over scheduled anyway.
3. Institute the Rock Justice System. The RJS is based on the older children being in charge of the younger ones in an effort to teach them greater responsibility and resourcefulness. If you’ve ever watched Everybody Hates Chris, you’ll already know what this looks like (Chris gets in trouble when his brother ditches school or if his little sister catches a the flu). It’s almost enough to make me want to have more kids just to test this out. But not quite.

Bottom line is that this is a great book if you want to open up a can of whoop-ass on some of the other parenting experts on your shelf. Kinda funny and extremely pragmatic, with attitude. Worth a read.

——
I was given a review copy of this book via ParentBloggers — see what other folks think. I slurped it right up.

In honor of Earth Day/Weekend/Month, we’ve been trying to ride our bikes more as transportation. Since Milo’s birthday, we use the bike trailer to take the boys to school most days already, so we’re just amping it up and riding more for errands and what not.

For example, on Saturday, we took Milo and Holden to the Berkeley Earth Day festival via bike trailer… we were not the only ones. It was a very earthy thing to do.

On Sunday, for my own naptime siesta, I biked to my pedicure appointment and then to the mall. I was laughing all the way on my cruiser because the whole thing seemed so funny (look world! I’m on a bike instead of a car! check me out!).

Yesterday, during my lunchtime, I biked my errands to Target rather than driving.

So, while I feel so proud and green and think, “What a good girl am I,” I also gotta ask, “Can I drive again yet?!” My quads are tired and I have helmet head.

They are the best and worst presents my husband ever got me.

For my birthday, while we were still new at the dating thing, Alec remembered an off-handed comment I made about a cool art piece in a cafe and chased down the artist on his own time to surprise me with it. I was so surprised and touched that it hardly matters that I also love it and think it’s hilarious. He scored big points for that birthday.

It proudly hangs on the wall near our front door. I smile inside whenever I see it.

And that yellow shirt? Well, my husband tends to hate shopping and gift-giving so much that I pretended to like it. Oh sure, it’s cute on the hanger or the drawer, but it’s yellow and looks really gross next to my skin. It also didn’t help matters that I had to be super duper pregnant to even fit in it, so I wasn’t exactly looking my best. Did I mention its sleeveless? And how my triceps could be in the best shape of my life from hefting myself in and out of bed while my upper arms managed to still look so doughy is one of life’s great mysteries.

So, when I read about GetInHerHead [via the ParentBloggers], I thought we could give it a try. It’s a handy website for people whose husbands, like mine, hate giving gifts (but still love their wives and are wonderful people). I forwarded the link to him yesterday morning and before lunch, he had already set us both up with accounts and filled in his own vital statistics (shoe size, trousers, shirt, etc.). If he likes it, I like it. I’ll report back after our anniversary or Christmas to see if it made any difference at all in his level of anguish for gift-giving.

Alec, if you’re still reading. I love the gps map toy and the mailboxtees you got me this year — you’re the best!

Today at Totland playground, I was reflecting that when Holden was this age (13 months), I was just a little bit pregnant and about to go down the path of being pregnant with a young toddler on my way to two under two.

Wow, what was I thinking? And what will I think of next?

I started to brainstorm about what’s just a little better this time around.

1. No morning sickness
2. I don’t worry whether Milo will walk or not walk. I know some day he will and I think it’s kinda cool he takes his time about it.
3. Likewise, I don’t stress about whether he’ll talk or not. He’ll get there. I could live without the screeching and pointing but I’m pretty sure it’s temporary.
4. Holden is an amazing big brother; he sees that Milo is learning so much and he’s patient to teach him things, model being the big boy, and generally boss him around.
5. I love to see the brotherly love.
6. We’re all sleeping better.
7. Milo’s got a sweet laugh and he really lights up when he sees his dad.
8. Balls. Milo loves ‘em and he’s lucky because we have ‘em in stock.
9. Gear. Like with balls (or any toys), we’re pretty well stocked up and don’t have to run out to buy much — except diapers.
10. Clothes. See balls and gear. We’re lucky to have Holden’s hand-me-downs plus Julian’s. Yay!
11. No anticipation of being 9 months pregnant with a 20 month old (granted, I didn’t really know what to anticipate, but now that I do, whew, I think I’ll avoid that situation if I can).
12. Music Together. Silly but true. I’m glad we’re doing it again, because H liked it so much.
13. I can fit into my clothes again.

Plus I have all those mushy love feelings whenever I think of them, look at pictures of them, or visit them sleeping.

Click over to Mama Knows Breast to enter to win our book!

The other day a reporter contacted us, having read our web site, and said that she was doing a story on the use of high-tech toys and gadgets with babies and toddlers. At this point, it tickles me to think that a product like the LeapFrog Learning Table is high-tech, because what plastic living room fixture doesn’t have lights and music these days? But to the moms of yesteryore, of course it is high-tech. Anyhow, she thought that we would have something to say about this topic.

Neither of us thought we had much interesting to say, but we want to stand up and represent for anyone who might feel the same way — moderate. We both let our kids play with toys that are electronic, toys that are not electronic, and toys that are not toys, for example sticks and salad bowls. We also have exposed them to the computer, to our iPods, and of course to cell phones and digital cameras.

I think this was pretty well captured in the article and I have only two corrections to make.

1- To correct the claim that Holden’s favorite activity is using the Internet. I don’t live with Holden, but from what I know, his favorite activities are talking, vehicle play, music, and napping.
2- The LeapPad learning system does not go online as stated in the article.

After we met the reporter at a cafe where she interviewed us about our kids and their use of technology, a photographer snapped a bunch of photos - and the one of Scarlett that appeared in the paper is darn cute if I do say so myself.

Read the article and let us know if we sound like jackasses. (That’s what Heather would say anyhow, and she’s at work and cannot blog right now.)

I had to drive all over town to find this paper, as it’s for the county next to us, and it just really got me thinking about how ironic it was that we are used to being all over the Internet, but to be in the printed paper was a treat.

Once upon a time, I had a job as a copy editor and I lasted about six weeks. From my first day, I felt it wasn’t the right job for me, and I cried on the phone to my previous boss. I forced myself to stay six weeks, and then I gave my two week-notice.

There was a bright side of this job – my office mate. Erika Lenkert was funny, smart, and confident in exactly the way you want an older sister to be. She had a glamorous work history, having written for InStyle, assorted travel guides, and glossy San Francisco magazines, and a glamorous social life, packed with dates, wine country outings with girlfriends, and invites to hip events. And she liked me. She told me she was my number one fan. I felt honored.

We lost touch soon after I left that job, so it was a short-lived friendship, but I was delighted to get an email the other day announcing a new book “The Real Deal Guide to Pregnancy” by Erika Lenkert.

The entire book is in Erika’s voice as she fills the reader in on all the important things a pregnant woman needs to know, adding a dash of her own experiences and down-to-earth perspectives.

Since I am not pregnant, I will confess that I could only bring myself to read about half of the book and then skip around. Love that she suggests traveling. (Can’t dwell on it because for me traveling right now includes a 50% potty trained three year old and an eight-month old who doesn’t sleep through the night.) I am grateful, however, that I didn’t miss out on page 226, where Erika gives us the real deal:

The first six months are really hard. Women who were born to be mommies will disagree, but those of us who have enjoyed being self-indulgent rulers of our own domains and defined ourselves through professional or social achievements accomplishments might beg to differ.

… In conjunction with moments of parental glory is the relentless and all-consuming task of navigating new parenthood, caring for a newborn, and realizing that you and your desires are no longer the first priorities in your own life.

I love to hear other women spell this out for soon-to-be-mamas.

Since Erika went through new motherhood a little after I did, reading this made me wish I could have given my former idol a big hug back when she was a smushy-bellied, tearful, milk-leaking, postpartum mess. I would have taken her and her daughter out for hot chocolate and pedicures. I would have assured her that she would return to the self-confident, strong, creative woman she was when we shared an office. But apparently that already happened, since she must have bounced back in order to write a book about it.

> The Real Deal Guide to Pregnancy is available at Amazon
> Erika Lenkert’s Web site
> The Rookie Mom’s Handbook: 250 Activities to Do with (and Without!) Your Baby (similar themes, but for women whose bundles of joy are already breaking in their Bugaboos)

Is there anyone else out there with a pacifier addict over the age of 2 (or better yet, 3?!) that successfully transitioned away from the dependency?

More than a year ago, we transitioned pretty successfully to bedtime and naptime only. And that’s where we’re stuck.

But for the past six months, Holden is the only kid over age 2 at his school to use a pacifier at naptime. Peer pressure doesn’t seem to have an impact (so that’s good and bad because he’s confident and because it’s a habit I wish he’d just kick).

Good friends of mine claim that when their son’s kicked the binky habit, so too went their afternoon nap. I’m not ready to give the nap up just yet so I’m nervous.

Is it akin to quitting smoking for an adult? It feels like it sometimes (like on Saturday when we were talking at Target in front of all the pacifier brands and we were choosing a new one because Avent stopped making his favorite brand… “so, you like Latex, huh?”).

I want to be respectful of his burgeoning choices but part of me wants to pluck it out and throw it away while he sleeps. Is the “Binky Fairy” a good thing or a bad thing? If he just keeps going will all his teeth rot?

I’m asking you, Internets, can you give me any tips to ease the transition? Any ideas of what not to do?