RookieMoms Blog

If you’re one of the two readers of this site who stops here before finding out that Yahoo has a new women’s website / experience / magazine — let me tell you what to think about it.

Shine collects their favorite stories and posts from the internets PLUS some original writing in an attempt to be a one-stop-content shop for busy busy women. I don’t know if this help or hurt fledgling sites like ours but I don’t think we’re necessarily frenemies.

Let’s start with the good stuff:

• The Parenting editor is Crazedparent — she’s funny and has two sons. The overall editor is from Jane Magazine and about to become a rookie mom herself. Cool.
• Shine invited us to a little sneak preview and we enjoyed some excellent food and some small trinkets as well as a full afternoon with only grown-ups. Not to mention that the pink purse that came with my magazines made a nice makeshift easter basket for Holden’s egg hunt and also carries up to 17 little trucks and balls with ease.
• They’re one day old and already featured us twice; I could get used to this!
1. Push Play Date (AKA Elmo Sex)
2. Ready for date night? Put your babysitter on retainer.

Sorry, did that just get too “meta” quoting them quoting me? I’m pretty excited if my little words could reach their 45 quadrillion readers. But I digress.

Isn’t there maybe a dark side to all this link love and content aggregation? Jason Calanacis certainly thinks so. While I was busy emailing a friend the articles above, my husband sent me this blog post about why content providers should drop Yahoo in favor of writer-friendly Google. He says:

If Yahoo wants to go “winner take all” that’s their right, but the niche content sites should stand up for themselves and vote with their partnership dollars for a true partner who doesn’t run off with your business in the night.

Yikes. But they were so nice to me. They fed me and gave me a makeover (sure, Alec teased me about looking like a hooker - but that’s a story for another day), how can they be bad?

Time will tell whether this shiny new online magazine succeeds by partnering with us or by smooshing us out. I wonder if I’ll be able to tell the difference.

What do you think, Whitney? World?

If you have one toddler and an afternoon in which you need to entertain him between naptime and bedtime, here’s what you need to do:

1- Place toddler in carseat or stroller. Add Cheerios.
2- Go to large bookstore with extensive children’s area.
3- Pull a copy of Naptime Is the New Happy Hour: And Other Ways Toddlers Turn Your Life Upside Down from the Parenting section.
4- Remove 37 board books from shelf and hand to toddler.
5- Sit on stool reading Naptime while toddler throws and slurps on board books.

I think the author, Stefanie Wilder-Taylor, would agree with my recommendation. She and I clearly think a lot alike. She reminds us that entertaining your toddler does not have to include going to the Zoo or Children’s Museum every day. The Sprint store will do just fine for an outing with lots to see and touch.

This is a super fun, light read, and a great gift for someone who has just finished her rookie year of motherhood. Once you’ve graduated from just keeping the baby alive, and it’s time to worry about things like socializing your little caveman and purchasing a toddler bed, this book will be a great companion.

Wilder-Taylor is a funny chick who keeps it real. Read her blog and see if it’s your style.

I don’t know if I’ve been exceptionally lucky or if I just don’t have such a strong internal “am I a freak?” paranoia, but I am noticing a common theme in a lot of Mom-targeted essays and literature in which the narrator thinks all the other moms are too extreme, too obsessed with mothering, too competitive. Our heroine, in this book too, feels like she can’t penetrate this world that everyone else seems more at ease with. Wilder-Taylor describes a scene in which she is peer pressured into a Pampered Chef party and feels alienated from her neighborhood moms. Does everyone feel this way? Am I one of the psycho moms who makes others feel misfit-ish? Regardless, I think I am a cool, approachable mom, and I would be her friend, if she lived in Berkeley, and I hope that she would be mine.

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See what other MotherTalk-ers have to say about this book!

Since I tried my little sample pack of the Mabel’s Labels that work on clothes and plasticky bottles and food containers, I have not looked back. I wasn’t sure that I would really like these things… in fact, I’ve tried a fair number of home-grown substitutions.

Three reasons to love them:

• Each boy has a symbol so that even pre-readers can find their stuff: Milo is a little airplane and Holden is a little dog (sad but true)
• Dishwasher safe. Over and over… in a way that my Sharpies are not and my contraband label-maker labels (from a previous company long since disbanded) don’t seem to be.
• Slurp-resistant. Most importantly, they survived the loving but incredibly intense slurps of a nine-month old on his naptime lovey. This was the area in which I didn’t want to take any chances.

This Thursday only, Mabel is celebrating a fifth birthday with a special promotion: Orders placed between 12:00am and 11:59pm EDT on Thursday March 27th will be shipped with a coupon for free Sticky Labels, the original product that started it all.
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The good folks at Mabel’s Labels sent us a sample of their product four months ago. I would not say I loved it if I hadn’t thoroughly tested it.

My mom has been visiting from Ohio lately and there were some really awesome things about having her around: Holden loves her, she seems to like to do our laundry, she’s funny and kind, and she likes to pay for things when she visits.

But there’s one favor that I can’t ask her to do… or well, I can ask, and I have asked, but I almost always regret it. I can’t ask her to shop for our groceries (unattended).

On Sunday, I took a badly-needed nap and she volunteered to go the grocery store for the “essentials” and the list looked something like this:

1. Organic, Clover milk 1% (green cap)
2. Alfaro’s 6 grain bread (green label)
3. green bananas

“How funny, everything’s green… do you want to look in my fridge to familiarize yourself with the packaging?” No, she didn’t and she set off for the store.

I napped.

I awoke to her coming in the door with bags brimming with stuff including:

• green bananas - check!
• Alvarado 7 grain bread (also green label as she showed me but otherwise all different)
• not so organic milk
• assorted impulse buys like cherry pie (we like apple) and cookies

While I was so appreciative that she had spared me a trip AND helped me get a nap, I was also pretty frustrated that my very specific list was pretty much ignored. And it struck me that the kinds of things I find Healthy are almost the exact opposite as what my mom finds Healthy.

For instance, I try to feed my family organic when it’s practical and I focus on whole foods and stuff without a lot of ingredients. Mom is thoroughly flummoxed every time I poo-poo the low-fat muffin she picked out for me or the “Now with artificial sweetener” diet cookie she thought for sure I’d want.

Is this a generational thing? A geographical thing? A just my-family-thing?

If you want to read about finding the cheapest, freshest, localest food around, check out this old post on getrichslowly. I find this kind of thing fascinating and helpful.

If you think I’m a total ingrate whose both forgotten my roots and become a Berkeley freak, tell me off in the comments (gently please, I’ve just undergone a long weekend of that already).

At Julian’s preschool, the two lead teachers speak a lot of Spanish to the kids. The program is loosely English in the morning, Spanish in the afternoon. Being in California, this is not some crazy special language program, it is just one aspect of our preschool that I see as a benefit.

I loved learning Spanish growing up. I completed a Spanish minor in college and spent two summers wandering around south of the border with friends, taking languages classes in Mexico and Guatemala. Julian’s first plane trip was to Mexico at 6 months, and he’s been back twice since then. I had been thinking that his exposure to Spanish at this age was both fun and effective.

He seems to think otherwise.

He has one nighttime babysitter who speaks mostly Spanish and little English. He has recently started to get frustrated by this. At first, he seemed to love playing “How do you say (insert word) in Spanish? ” with her. I was pleased. Before she came over, he would say, “When Ana gets here, I’m going to ask her how to say quesadilla in Spanish!” he would tell me excitedly. Then, it wore off. He became annoyed, perhaps because he was tired at the end of the day, with the difficulty they were having communicating. He told me he didn’t want her to come over because she speaks Spanish.

Yesterday, I popped in a Whistlefritz DVD, “Los Animales” targeted at ages 2-5. At first, Julian watched happily, I think not realizing the video was entirely in Spanish. I was enjoying it, understanding every word and thinking it would be fun to loan the DVD to my Spanish teacher friend. The narrator was very clear with her expressions and the animations, so it’s easy to catch on. After about 10 minutes, Julian said he wanted to watch something else. He was disappointed that the video was in Spanish.

To my chagrin, he is on an English-only kick. I should sign him up for one of those conservative groups that don’t want bilingual signs posted. The other night, I said something to him in Spanish, and he responded “You’re not a teacher or a babysitter!” in a snotty voice. Uh-oh. I had to immediately point out all the people we know who speak Spanish who are not teachers or babysitters. How embarrassed am I! I am a lover of all things Latin and my son is campaigning for English only! Que lastima.

I have to remind myself that he is three and just wants things his way. Just like girls have ponytails and boys don’t. He does not like me to point out boys that have ponytails or girls that have short hair.

I will try to be patient. And I will book us on another Mexican vacation ASAP.

PS On the way to school this morning, he did tell me, “You know how you say Blast Off in Spanish, Mommy? BLAST OFFFFFF!”

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Maybe other Parent Bloggers had better luck getting their kids to sit through Whistlefritz’s other Spanish for beginners videos. See what they have to say.

Whitney warned me last week that with weaning comes some moodiness.

I think I’m having it in the form of ridiculous, inappropriate rage. I first noticed it Thursday at lunch (with Whitney and Scarlett in fact) when the service was slow and I could actually picture myself (on multiple occasions) standing up and throwing dishes in order to get some attention. It happened four times in my head.

Though I restrained myself, I could feel my blood boiling and I had to ask myself, “self, what is the big F’ing deal? You’re at lunch with a friend, her baby is fed, yours are in school. Relax. Exhale.” I was so pissed that I went and wrote a nasty Yelp review when I got back to my desk.

Fast forward to yesterday morning after my exercise class during the weekly weigh-in. I had a HUGE fight (in my head again) with the person checking my stats because she asked such unforgivable questions as, “what are your goals?” and “do you have kids?”

Side note: My weight has not really moved in the past six weeks of class but I’m way stronger and I’ve told this person two or three times that I have kids.

As I was walking to my car with my wonderful (childless) friend, I wanted to rant, rave, and rage about the ridiculous things that Leila had just said to me… but before I could utter, “could you believe that” I realized how trivial and silly my complaints would sound. Hmmmph.

Last night, my mom helped to put the boys to bed. She lay Milo down first in his crib (as is our usual custom) while we did a little more reading and tooth-brushing with Holden. Holden wanted Grammy to put him to bed and I was pretty confident that it would be ok; Holden knows how to be quiet, he does this part almost every night.

Well, Milo woke up.

So, I slammed the door in their room (WTF?!)

Then, Milo screamed. So, I sneaked back in and apologized.

My new theory was that I was actually getting too much testosterone from exercising. But duh, might weaning also send my body off-kilter? It’s been about a week now.

Buying something new is sort of a last resort for us.

I am truly blessed to live in Berkeley, where not only do I have a wealth of good friends to show me the ropes and hand-me-down some stylish boys clothes (thanks Whitney and Sunny!) but also a ridiculous multitude of online options to help me share and reuse baby gear.

First, there’s the standby: Craig’s List. How did we ever live without it? For big ticket items like TVs, cars, and bike trailers, we are constantly tapping into the absolute glut of stuff out there. (Seriously, we sold our car and couch and the folks come to us) Don’t like what I just sold you? Quit complaining, I bet you can sell it again this week! Before we buy new, we (almost) always check Craig’s List.

Locally, the best marketplace for kids’ stuff is the Berkeley Parents Network. I’ve picked up a crib, Jumperoo, toys by the boxfull, slings, bags of clothes, party supplies, and a little rolling car among other things I’m certainly forgetting.

FreeCycle has been fantastic to get rid of odds and sods: miscellaneous bottles and sippy cups, slings, strollers, bouncy seats. Did you open a box of diapers only to have your kid outgrow them? FreeCycle is perfect for that! I don’t have the patience to read through all the offers so I usually miss out on getting the freebies. Oh well.

I’ve also recently been in a mode of borrowing before I buy. After having too many baby carriers to justify buying another one and being burned by one too many strollers, I am lucky to have a network of friends in my mom’s groups so I could take these items for a little test drive before making the purchase. Ergo carrier, I’ll take you as a gift or if I find you used thank you very much. Phil and Teds, no thanks, you’re cool looking and nice to drive but could you BE any heavier? There’s some real cost savings.

I like the idea behind Zwaggle [online marketplace for parents] because I live and breathe that idea all the time. I’m keenly aware that without my local peeps, I may have to rely more heavily on gifts or, more likely, start shelling out more money for baby and kid stuff.

My hesitation to join the Zwaggle network has more to do with sheer laziness than anything. Will my Zwaggle trade partner come to pick up my used gear on the porch while I’m at work? Probably not. Will I “sell” my Wii into the pool of items only to never get my zoints worth? (Yes, Zoints is the actual name of Zwaggle points). If you, dear reader, don’t live in Berkeley, I strongly urge you to try out Zwaggle and report back. Be honest.

Sign up for Zwaggle now through this offer and get few extra zoints to use toward your first purchase.

This ode to reducing, reusing, and recycling was brought to you by the Parent Bloggers Network’s suggestion that we write about sharing, saving, and simplifying which is totally up my alley.

When our babies were about 8 months old, my mom’s group (10 women with babies born in October 04) began having a monthly Mom’s Night Out. At least 8 of us attended the first few and it was super fun. Attendance began to dwindle, although we keep our monthly date, and at least a few people have gone out each month for almost three years now. We usually go to dinner and stay for two hours.

Then, people began having second babies, other commitments, working late, and having late working husbands. Meeting at 7.45 became our standard. That’s when most people could arrive, whether they had to put the new baby to bed, wait for their partners to get home from exercise class, or something else. I started to get frustrated. I found myself being the die-hard MNO advocate (I went out with the moms seven days after giving birth to #2. Of course, #2 came with us…), but I am fearing that we’re doing it wrong.

My personal situation is that if I don’t have to go out until 7.45, then I am available to feed my kids and get them ready for bed, and even be a little helpful with my husband’s dinner. This, I find, does not feel like a night off. (Maybe I misunderstood and the idea is not a night off, simply a night out?) It feels like a very regular night and then when Julian is having his books read by Daddy, I go and say “Good night, I’m going out.” I think I’m missing out on about 10 minutes of child time. Scarlett has already been asleep for 30 minutes.

Just this week, I started up a MNO with my preschool moms. As much as I hate to do it, I suggested 8 pm as the meeting time, because I would rather have high attendance at a later hour than low attendance earlier. From experience, it seems like 7 pm is just unrealistic for so many people. There are not capital letters large enough to express how much I would prefer to eat dinner AT 7 PM THAN 8 PM! Hmph.

Internets, do you go for MNOs with friends? What are the schedules? What are the excuses??!!

At the end of my “One Month without Buying Anything New” kick, I felt pretty good. It wasn’t very hard for me. I felt like I could continue forever… or at least for the self-imposed year of not buying new stuff that Real Compacters sign on for (or more realistically something like a season).

I bought a non-nursing bra (completely allowable under the underwear clause) and scored a free used toddler bed from a friend. We still need some new shoes and miscellaneous shoe repairs (darn those half size too big pregnancy feet!!) but that’s allowable too. I had also thrown a clothing swap mid-month, so I was feeling pretty good about clothing options.

I felt like at the end of the South Beach Diet when I started to think that I could just eat whole grain carbs and low glycemic index food all the time without really caring. That is, I felt that way until I saw a box of Krispy Kreme donuts unattended.

So, I was feeling happy with my network of freebies and good access to high quality used stuff in general, when I started to want things!! Uh oh. Like, I sent Holden to a Three-Year-Old girls birthday party yesterday and we bought a little suitcase with drawing paper and crayons. It was cute and it was less than $10, but I had to ask myself if that was really worth breaking the compact over? Hmmm.

But I figured that I had made it an extra 7 days already of not shopping with very little discomfort and it had to end some time. In other words (in South Beach Diet words), I rationalized that I had met my goal weight and I was now in maintenance phase. No biggie.

Today is when I really had to start questioning my goals and ideals though. I brought Holden to the bike store to pick out a new bike helmet so we could start riding the boys to school in the trailer.

Side story: Holden and Milo go to daycare/preschool close to our home. I work close to their school. We’d like to bike them to school and bike them home rather than me driving each way. How environmentally friendly of us, no?

It was at the bike store when I saw it: A new AND ON SALE Burley d’lite bike trailer. Certainly this was much better and safer (and shinier and prettier) than the well-worn hand-me-down in our backyard. Obviously saving well over $100 on a new thing is a worthy purchase. Or was I trying too hard to convince myself?

Then again, isn’t a used bird in the hand worth a new bird in the bush? As compact-minded people, don’t we have to keep our good enough trailer? Or at least be absolutely sure we’ll get good use out of it before we drop a few hundred dollars on a new toy? That’s what Alec would have me believe.

So I struggle. And hope that nobody buys that shiny rocket ship of a bike trailer while we make up our minds. Anyone else out there in a similar boat?

I did it.

I survived a weekend away from my family. Yeehaw!

This is the fourth time that I’ve been away from Holden overnight — the first two being my grandpa’s funeral and Milo’s birth and the other a bridal shower in which I toted Milo along — but only the first time away from Milo.

I was nervous. But, encouraged by my friend Molly’s sage advice, I made the most of it!

When I emailed her asking for good humor and courage, she assured me that I already had both in abundance (you gotta love a friend like Molly). She wrote that what I needed to remember most is that my “boys will THRIVE if I THRIVE.”

And I knew with total certainty that if I was going to get on that plane to Miami and then mope and sulk, I was not doing anyone any good… not my friends who wanted to celebrate, not my husband who agreed to hold down the fort, and not my cutie pie sons.

So I had fun.

Well, I laughed, i cried, I drank wine, i tried to smoke a cigar, I sat under an umbrella on the beach, I stayed out late, I slept 8 hours in a row, I showered uninterrupted, I ate a ton, I read a book, I flipped through trashy magazines, I had adult conversations, and I THRIVED!

Names and pictures of my friends are not provided because what happens in Miami stays in Miami other than all those bits I just told you.