July 2007

Hi. I am here. I am reading, I am just not writing. I just had a baby, you see. Eight days ago. I am not fit to blog right now. I am probably injuring myself just sitting in this computer chair. My sitting parts hurt. A lot. Second baby, but first time out the chute — turns out it’s more like a first baby.

So, let me just excuse myself for a few more days. I really thought I’d be out and about by now, but I just can’t do it.

I don’t mind feeling like I might cry at any moment. I don’t mind the cracked nipples. I don’t mind the insane rash on my back from the epidural. What’s bothering me is right between my legs. I have third degree rippage. I can only sit on pillows, and prefer those that are shaped like a donut. When will this feel better? Tell us, how long did it take you to get moving?

My baby son is wearing an adorable hand-me-down from oinkbaby. I went to the url and was shown a lengthy repeating slideshow of clothes with no opportunity to:

1) find a retailer
2) buy product online
3) contact anyone

this is a big disappointment. cute clothes. too bad I don’t know how to buy them.

We’ve already pretty much committed to a theme in our nursery. Don’t tell my mom, but I’m kind of over it. Wish I could get some of these and move on. Oh well.

Check out the lollipopart shop on etsy.com some time. Grab a couple of prints. And then repaint my walls.

It started off as a rather routine argument about when it would be ok to start hanging out with his friends more when we came up with a revolutionary idea.

You see, my husband has been almost saintlike in both his get-home-from-work-at-sixness and his willing-to-let-me-go-outness since we had our second baby. He really wants me to be fun and happy (”happy wife, happy life,” we’ve heard) so he encourages me to go out after the boys’ bedtime and has even put them both down a handful of times without help.

I, on the other hand, have been clinging desperately to Not Wanting to Go it Alone during the witching hour. Fearful that I’ll run out of hands, steam, patience, or all three, I really look forward to him providing me some evening relief and have been reluctant to say, “sure babe, why don’t you grab a drink with the guys tonight”. Sometimes I count the minutes until his bus arrives in Berkeley. Sometimes, Holden and I wait for him on the front porch as an afternoon activity (Coming soon: “Rookie Moms Activity #752 Wait for Spouse on Porch”).

Before this new idea, we had agreed that he could come home from his job in the City, do his share of the bedtime routine, and then go back out with his friends. But it seems that his friends don’t roll that way, so it was time for a new plan.

Thursday night is now Alec Night. He can do what he wants where he wants and opt out of the evening excitement at home. New and exciting possibilities might include — but certainly are not limited to — working late without guilt, happy hour, scintillating lecture series, action movies, or fantasy baseball.

That also means…

Tuesday night is now Heather Night.

But that’s not all. It also means that on Thursday nights I have the flexibility to pack picnic lunches and stay at the playground late with mom pals. Or I can host Wii parties after bedtime with my single friends.

And of course, it hopefully means that our relationship will be enriched by greater freedom to do fun things on a regular basis.

Just yesterday, I spotted Holden’s runny nose and declared a “code Orange” in the house. Oh, I was trying to be overly-dramatic and silly, but my point was that we (errr, my husband) need to exercise more than the normal level of caution and be ready to wash our hands just a little bit more to keep a snurfy cold away from Milo.

At four months old, believe it or not, I’ve already relaxed somewhat. While nobody has to take a full Silkwood shower anymore, I can count on my hands how many people I’ve let hold Milo without washing up (which means it’s not too many and I’m still paying attention).

These little signs can hang from strollers, carseats, or carriers. I have seen the sentiment before written on onesies, but that seems just too temporary. This idea, I really like.

I am 39 weeks pregnant, due tomorrow, and just as anxious as you people to have this baby exit my body. In fact, more anxious. It is MY baby and MY body, so if you think I’m staying pregnant just to inconvenience you, or delay your meeting of my daughter, you are oh so wrong.

What you need to get through your thick skull is that there is no way to predict when a baby is going to arrive beyond the four-week window that we are already clear on. And guess what! Two of those weeks have already passed, so we’ve only got two weeks to muck around in. I’m sure you’ll be fine. Really, can I get you something cold to drink? Do you want to put your feet up? You must, because I’m sure all this waiting is really making you crazy. Oh me, I’m fine. I’ll just walk up a hill for four miles, as you’ve suggested, with seven lbs of human weight pressing on my pubic bone. Oh, scrub the floor? Yes, that’s what I’ll do. I’m sure it has nothing to do with my cervix, and everything to do with floor scrubbing.

Do I feel anything? Why yes. I feel erratic contractions and the busy limbs of a full-term baby pushing on my abdomen. Just like every other woman in her 40th week of pregnancy. Do I think it’s going to happen soon? I. just. don’t. know.

Why do I guess, when pushed to guess, that the baby will be ten days late? Don’t I realize that you feel anxious when you hear that? You don’t want to wait that long? You’ve already been waiting for more than seven months? Don’t I get that my due date has been set by a doctor?

Yes, I get it. And the last time I had a baby, he arrived, perfectly healthy, thirteen days after that the projected date. Is it possible that we had the conception date wrong? No, it is not possible. You can call the nurses at the Alta Bates fertility center and check on that.

What did the doctor say yesterday about my odds of having a baby this week? She said that obstetrics has made so many wonderful advances that keep mothers and babies alive and infection-free during childbirth. Can’t we be grateful for that, and not complain that there is no way to predict labor starting, even after a deeply uncomfortable pelvic exam?

But really, do I think it will be this weekend, because you know, you want to make your plans? And I’ll call you, right, as soon as I feel something, like a little twinge? Uh, yes. When I am doubled over, hobbling down the stairs to my car, I will call you. Or rather, when I am clenching my fist to get an IV inserted, I’ll call you. No better, when I am getting my cervix checked by a student nurse and her mentor for the seventh time, I’ll call you. Or maybe I’ll wait til I’m getting stitched up. Or, during the first moments I hold my newborn baby in my arms, introduce myself to her, tell her what we’ve named her, and that we are thrilled beyond belief to have her join our family. I don’t need personal space for that. It would be a good time to chat. Don’t worry, you are first on my list.

Thanks for listening to me. Don’t you other almost-due mothers wish you could just hand them this?

Note from Heather: Loyal readers, Whitney had her baby, Scarlett, on Wednesday but wrote this (on Monday) in anticipation of being ten days late. Just goes to show, that you don’t really know when it’s all gonna go down!

I was always a decaf girl.

Drinking a little caffeine on an empty stomach resulted in a crazy frenetic version of me that only my closest friends could appreciate. In fact, I began to sense that my husband was The One after he enjoyed a brunch with an accidentally-caffeinated version of me. Instead of being frightened, he was charmed.

And as you might imagine, motherhood has rewarded my natural tendency to go to bed early and wake up early with a sledgehammer taken to my blissful nights of eight hours of contiguous sleep.

Until I had my second baby boy. Now, I need a little mocha to get things started in the morning. When we’re in our groove, Alec makes one for himself before he heads off to work and leaves a little pot of espresso on the stove for me to do with as I please throughout the day.

Not wanting to jinx any sleep improvements with too much caf, I tend to meter it out through the day with splashes of espresso added to my very rich hot chocolates.

Here are the ingredients to the very best at-home coffee house experience. If you are worried about saving money — like we are — but you have a developing coffee habit, this will pay off in less than a month:

• Gear for aspiring barista
• Bialetti Moka Express stovetop espresso maker, 3 cup.: enough for hubby to make some and leave behind the rest; since it works in minutes, it’s not a problem if you need to make more; true caffeine addicts may want the six-cupper.
• Aerolatte Frother: wicked fun milk foamer; also good at making “fluffy milk” for picky toddlers
• The very best ingredients
• Italian Roast espresso from Caffe Trieste or Decaf from Illy (I just noticed they have moka kits, but not in decaf, how odd)
• Cocoa powder by the 2 kg. case from Scharffen Berger (use your own sugar)

To save a few more pennies and the Earth in general, we both have travel mugs. He takes his to work on the bus and I (theoretically) can drop my spillproof cup in the stroller or diaper bag. But that’s a story for another day.

Now, go invite someone dangerous over for mochas!

A colleague of mine told me that his wife is on bed rest and she’s only 21 weeks. Yikes. It got me to wondering about the fun you can have when you’re bed bound and I wanted to tap into the collective experience of the Internets.

I imagine that would want to mix it up between activities I’d enjoy alone and ones that would keep my visitors entertained (and coming back for more).

• My mind first went to board games: Travel Scrabble, Carcassonne, Trivial Pursuit — I love games and this seems like a good excuse. We played Travel Scrabble on our honeymoon and also in the hospital after childbirth.
• Then there’s the array of DVD boardless games: Scene It is the one I’m most familiar with and it’s a good time without the board.
• The Internet itself is a time-suck and can be a money suck if you stumble onto the shopping sites (and what site isn’t a shopping site these days? *please start your Amazon spree here if you must shop*)
• As long as you’re shopping, get ahead and do any errands you can from your bed-headquarters. Pre-buy birthday gifts and holiday gifts for the next couple months, shop around for your favorite birth announcements, and find an online grocery delivery company you like.
• Reading… yep, old fashioned and can be refreshing and wonderful. If you’re on pregnancy bed rest, do yourself and your mate a favor and alternate parenting books with real fun books
• What about knitting? That’s a good sitting down hobby, right? I bought my yarn but I haven’t learned yet
• Reach out to friends. Clean out your email and cell phone contacts and send some nice emails. Gosh, do you have time to write a real letter? Do it.
• TV: TiVo, Netflix, iTunes, and onDemand offer alternatives to watching old reruns (now you can watch those same early Cosby Shows without commercials!), but my bed rest suggestion would be to make little goals such as watching all the best pictures from a certain decade or seeing all episodes of Alias in order.

For my research, I stumbled upon this “bringing fun to bedrest gift box” [pictured] and I love the idea of it! So smart. I might alter the contents to be a little healthier or decadent, but I’ve become a cocoa snob so don’t go by me.

Also, during my research (AKA googling), I found this handy little excerpt from AmericanPregnancy.org on bed rest:

Get organized: Being confined to the bed does not mean that you cannot be productive, whether it is accomplishing things for your family, your home, or just doing something for yourself. Having things at your fingertips will make things easier. Here is a checklist of items you may want near the bed or couch:

* Telephone, directory and address book
* Pens, pencils and paper
* Brush, comb, and mirror
* Books, magazines, or other reading materials
* Remote controls to TV and VCR
* Laptop computer
* Cosmetics, nail files, etc.

Once you’ve set up this station for pregnancy-related bed rest, it can transition nicely into a nursing station when baby finally does arrive!